Upon arriving at the B Side tavern, 6th and East Burnside, one thing immediately caught my eye...
Piles and piles of bikes. A good start to a great day, in my opinion.Upon entering the bar, I saw Messengers. I saw Shifters. I saw Fakinger's.
I saw Seattlites.
Dammit, I even saw Canuck's!!!!
Pretty much at the crack of 2:10, Kennechi (Drunky McDrunkerton) announced that registration was starting.... We all paid out money ($2/messenger $5/whatever else you may be), and got the first assignment...
There was an hour period of pleasure, the first stop being backspace at 511 NW Couch. I cruised solo across the Burnside bridge, relaxing some, but also trying to keep myself warmed up for what I assumed was going to be a big, hard run.....later...
I had two of my finger's taped together. They were broken during polo a couple of Sunday's ago, then I popped a ligament in one of the same finger's on this last Sunday..... Not good at all! I was a little worried about simply holding on to the handlebars.
There sat Magnum, out of the "life clocks" (ring pops) we needed to pick up, but with the second stop slip, sending us to SW 4TH and SW Morrison.
Mary Lou and I played some pinball, then tagged along with a group of out of towner's towards the next stop.
Sensei the Loon was standing outside, trying to throw people off in his usual lunatic style, while the Grasshopper was already inside the mall.
"Team Tandemonium came in 5th place..."The clue told us to count the windows in the sky bridge, then go into the food court to receive a "Holo Memory" (Polaroid photo). Hazel was there, and took what for the norm was a horrible pic of me, with my eyes closed......(I am not even close to photogenic)
I received the next clue, which was to go back across to the east side to Union Jacks, 938 E. Burnside. Inside sat Michelle, and a scantily clad, hard working friend, with the next clue, which was basically to go down the street to the B Side again, for Carousel at 3:30.
I took this photo of Michelle inside Union jacks, which is breaking the strip club rules to the ump th degree, then headed to Carousel.We sat for a few minutes at the B Side, received our bracelets and a explanation of what to do next.
You could either wait for renewal (sit at the B Side and drink), or become a runner...
If you chose to run, there were 4 Sandmen, and 1 Sandwoman out on the streets, waiting to grab your bracelet and end your life (race). Having seen the movie many times, I knew how this was going to work, and it clued me in to one more reality.
I was the most heavily targeted runner. I had suspected this was going to be the case, as I was not picked to be a Sandman in the last couple of weeks. I certainly was the biggest threat, or , most probable to win, besides the factors of the random "unknown rookie", there fore I became the person to get.
The running began, and what appeared to be everybody raced away from the bar, toward the first stop, Chunk Station Zebra in SE. On the way across SE, I was attacked head on by all 5 Sandmen. My first jaunt with them reminded me how much work I had cutout, in order to mke it to "Sanctuary".
Matty came at me head on....I had to heavily swerve to avoid her..
Tad came at me.. Once again, head on.......
Danger came at me from the side, almost being successful.
Mason came at me, but, well, he is pretty old and slow, so not much of a threat to me...
All this happened between Se Powell and Se Bush on SE 21st.. I had already realized that the were not going to attack us on the north side of Powell, so I had smooth sailing across the top of Ladd's.
Here we were required to ride through their parking lot lake, where the next clue was hanging in the middle. I have been through this water before.. it is disgusting, dirty as hell, and filled with random pieces of whatever.
As I saw in a video this morning, I rolled through fine, missed the clue, and had to turn around to get it. This is where I hit something under the depth's, and planted both feet in the mire.....
I splashed out, and slow rolled away from the stop. This gave me the opportunity to pick up a group, which I led down SE 20TH avenue. We became 6 or 7 strong, a group composed of Canadian's, Seattlites, and Portland Fixter's. The next stop was up at 33rd and NE Grant Pl. I had already formulated a plan, in regards to evading Sandmen....and having a group around me as a buffer was the main key.
It is here I must add that total immersion of a old pair of Sidi Dominator's leads to one thing.
Velcro does not like to get very wet, and still hold well. The whole rest of my ride I was reaching down and reattaching the velcro. I was on my true track bike, so stopping was very paramount to the velcro holding. I must admit it had me a little stressed out.
I led them across the top of Ladd's, just out of the range of the Sandmen, who would surely be looking for us on the main route. Across SE, up Lincoln hill, we made it succesfully to the Laurelhurst neighborhood before I saw any other bikes.
We were on 31st ave, and I saw Tad, one of the Sandmen, riding fast and parallel to us on NE 33rd, following another large group.
I slowed my group down, to get Tad ahead of us, and by the time we got to Ne Broadway near the park, he had taken out Nerf, and moved on down the road.
"Nerf"We skirted around the back side of the school, and got the nutrition from the Sea we needed so much (Salt water and Goldfish crackers). I could still see Tad hanging on a corner, so we skirted him again, heading for the Princess Palace on Ne Mallory.
We bombed down NE Knott, cutting over to NE Fremont on my normal choice of cross roads, NE 24th ave. All the way down Ne Fremont to MLK, where we headed north, figuring the Sandmen would not try to catch us on the main busy road... I was right on that note, we never saw them..
The clues said to go through the alley, which is where the sandmen were waiting for us, so we went through the front yard, around to the backyard, to the most annoying (purposefully) stop on the race.
I had to juggle three pins like 5 times 'cause they were not watching. I then had to ride a exercise bike that wouldn't go over 20 mph. Supposedly you were supposed to get it going 30 mph.....
At least ten minutes later, we were finally off to another stop, the Skidmore Bluff. The entrance to the bluff is a bottleneck, and I tried to push some of my group to go in front of me, as I knew the Sandmen were there, hiding.
Sadly, it is not easy to find the bluff, and I had to lead it out, which once again lead to a confrontation with the Sandwoman, Queen Matty. We evaded her, once again head on, and rolled down the street to the bluff.
Here we were required to climb the tree, and get a zip tie. One of the rookies gave me a leg up, and I found a zip tie, then jumped out of the tree. I skirted around the trail to a side street, then slowed to let the group pass me, as I had already seen the yellow of Matty's bike behind a car, hiding.
This part gets a little fuzzy, but the story, as told by Mason who was hiding in the bushes, is that I sent one of the Fixter's out ahead, to see who was around the corner.
I then immediately turned around, leaving the sacrificial lamb behind, and headed back to the bluff.
I knew there was a way down the hill to Greeley Ave., but had never taken it. So, I just went straight down the mud through the woods, with a whole group in tow, all the while calling me crazy.
Just after that, I remember Ian stating that if he ever made it to 30, he was definitely following me. (30 being the age you are up for death in Logan's Run)
Down on Greeley, and far away from all the Sandmen, we stretched out and bombed for the next clue. the statue of the evil old lady on the esplanade. I took them straight down MLK, knowing once again that the main routes were a mistake.
Hot For teacher was waiting at the Old Woman's statue (Vera Katz), where she took pics of us.
It was then off to deep SE, Sellwood actually, to SE Linn avenue, and the house of the Old man, Mike Louis. Being the oldest and longest running messenger in town (he is actually grandfather claused into the building lease where he works, there by secured a job for the life of the company), we were required to take him a 40 of Pabst Blue Ribbon, and secure the last clue, a phrase to be stated when you made it back sanctuary, now being the B Side tavern.....
Peaches assured me I was in 2nd place at that point, and al I had to do was catch Chaz on the way back to the bar....( Chaz ended up taking out his own bracelet in a questionable attempt at evasion....)
This is where I made my first mistake of the day..... between the 7-11 where I bought the beer, and Mike's house, I decided to ditch my group, and strike out on my own.
Rolling north across Se 17th, I came across Tad chasing someone else the other direction, and Matty hiding behind a building, all in the same block.
They both saw me, and Tad dropped who he was chasing, and followed me. I was on my track bike, and he was on full gears and brakes.
I had to head down a hill in the rain that had just started falling, and during my skid, I lost momentum, which allowed him to catch me.
A mere 8 minutes from the end of the race, and what definitely would have been a win, my race was over.
The sandmen had terminated my life clock, but it had taken everything they had to get it done.
I lallygagged back across Se 12th to the bar, and watched the 7 finisher's come in.
I feel great about my race though, as 1st through 4th place were taken by British/Canadian's and Seattlite's who had ridden with me the whole way.
Team Tandemonium took 5th place, and more out of towner's made up the last three spots.
Khadel, 1st place... He got a great Chrome bag, and bought me a tall can of beer for my navigating skills...DFL was also won by a Canadian, who shared a special prize with me on the sidewalk a little later....
The Sandmen, and women, got about 60% of the race participants, by my wonky math...
Tad got the most runners, with a total of 9. Magnum got one only, but it was Chaz who was in front of me. He had just waited to chase the fastest, which was a good move on his part.
In all, the 43 participants seemed to have a collective great time, Ken threw a great race, and the B Side could not have been more accommodating.
Check the PUMA site ( portlandmessenger.org) for the many future alleycats, including the "420" race, and the "Taxicat" next weekend.......
Cassandra
